Written by CaptainSausage
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Sunday, 4 August 2013

image for New Doctor Who revealed
The Tardis will be replaced by an enormous inflatable Brazilian carnival float to encourage international viewers.

It's the moment that nerds have been waiting for for months. Who will play the next Doctor Who? Who? The 12th actor to play famous British sci-fi character Doctor Who was revealed last night. Matt Smith, who has played the role for the last few years, is stepping down, and his replacement will be...Pele.

Doctor Who's character regenerates into a different bodily form every few series. It is an elaborate plot point, which has allowed writers to shoe-horn different actors into the same role, while still maintaining continuity of the series for nearly five decades.

All of the actors to play the Doctor so far have been white British males, but there has been considerable pressure for the next actor to be female, an ethnic minority, or even wheelchair-bound, to please the politically correct lobby with blatant tokenism.

In the end though, the Doctor Who writers took their cue from FIFA. For the next few series, the actor will be chosen from a separate continent on a rotating basis. Pele was chosen because South America came up in the random draw, and he is relatively well known so viewers should not find it too difficult to adjust to him. Also he is available for filming for the next few months, his career effectively having ended years ago.

Pele's assistant will be a Rio carnival dancing girl, which should add some much-needed Latin rhythm and excitement to the stuffy BBC sci-fi drama.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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