Written by Abel Rodriguez

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Thursday, 1 August 2013

image for Lindsay Lohan Is Finally Out of Rehab
Lindsay has promised to stay away from liquor and beer and drink only lemonade. (Photo from the Charlie Sheen Collection).

LOS ANGELES - The staff and patients at The Cliffside Manor Rehab Clinic in Los Angeles were thrilled to see Lindsay "The Whiner" Lohan finally leave the facility.

Lohan had originally been placed at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic but the director had her transferred because as she said, she was nothing but a disruptive element who had threatened to dig her way out.

Upon leaving Cliffside Manor Lohan stated to the members of the entertainment media that she is never, ever going to return and she is changing her ways and will not party as much as she did in the past.

Lindsay's first appearance will be as a guest on The Viagra View with Larry King and Regis Philbin. After that she will appear on Live With Kelly and Michael.

Lindsay will then co-host an episode of The Tamale Wars and make a special appearance on The Real Housewives of Detroit.

The 26-year-old actress was asked by Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Chipotle what she learned about being in rehab for 90 days.

The freckle-faced celebutante replied, "I learned that my friend Paris Hilton stabbed me in the back and took advantage of my situation by stealing my spotlight, but the fake blonde is screwed because now that I'm back that friggin spotlight will once again become mine, all mine."

Lindsay added that she also learned that there are at least 27 different ways to prepare fish sticks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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