Written by Steve Shaw
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Topics: Hollywood, Jesus

Saturday, 15 November 2003

HOLLYWOOD-Critics blasted the new ‘Life of Jesus' movie recently, calling the story ‘predictable' and ‘without surprise.'

"Jesus movies always ends the same," said Roger Ebert. "I understand that it's documented history, but couldn't Jesus have a time machine or something? That would certainly be cooler. And Jesus always does everything he says he will. Why can't he surprise his disciples by not telling them he's about to raise people from the dead? That would be hilarious."

"It's supposed to be predictable," said executive producer Paul Hampton. "The point is, we're telling the story of Jesus' life. We can't just re-write the Bible here."

John Haskell, a critic with Fox news gave his take on the movie. "I enjoy a good movie about the Messiah just as much as the next guy, but couldn't Jesus blow up some cities or seduce some women or something like that? I mean, if I were all powerful, I'd be hitting the clubs every night. Why couldn't Jesus go clubbing or bar-hopping? I'm sure a whole new generation would find Jesus totally cool if he could rap ‘In Da Club' by 50-Cent."

"Jesus lived during the Roman occupation of Israel!" said a frazzled Hampton. "There were no clubs or bars to hop. And who may I ask is 50-Cent?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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