Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 21 July 2013

image for Ashton Kutcher Warns Demi Moore She Better Give Him The Divorce Or He Will Reveal Some Intimate Secrets About Her
Ashton wants Demi to hurry up and push the divorce through the court system. (Photo courtesy of Lindsay Lohan).

LOS ANGELES - Ashton Kutcher, 35, has stated that he is sick and tired of his soon-to-be-ex-wife Demi Moore dragging her freaking feet in their divorce proceedings.

Kutcher recently told Glamboyant Magazine that he heard from a very good source that Moore said she is going to drag out the divorce so that he cannot marry the girl of his dreams Mila Kunis, 29.

The 50-year-old Moore added that she is doing it to get back at Ashton for him dumping her and saying that he just got tired of the old cougar and that he needed to find a nice, sexy, young fox.

Mila has been very patient through it all saying that she can imagine how The Wicked Witch of The West (Demi) must feel knowing that her much younger husband finally got out of his May-December phase.

Ashton has informed Demi that if she purposely continues dragging out the divorce he will go to the Hollywood press and reveal some extremely personal secrets regarding some intimate locations of industrial cellulite along with some of her other very embarrassing private physical traits.

A Friendly Reminder. Saturday, July 27, is National Cracker Day except in Georgia.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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