Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 7 July 2013

image for Lindsay Lohan Reflects on Her Rehab Clinic Stay
The rehab clinic swimming pool is located right below Lindsay Lohan's room.

LOS ANGELES - A custodian at the rehab clinic where Lindsay Lohan is serving her 3 month mandatory confinement has said that he has never seen a patient who is in such a state of denial, confusion, and boredom than Lindsay Lohan.

He commented that he had to report Miss Lohan the other day because as he was sweeping her room he noticed that she was squatting in the corner with a yellow #2 pencil actually trying to dig her way out her room.

He said he told her to stop and she answered that he needed to mind his own damn friggin business.

He again told her to stop. She stood up and threatened him with the pencil. He quickly grabbed it from her and told her that she needed to stop because there was no way on Earth that she was going to make a hole big enough for her to crawl into by using a yellow #2 pencil.

The custodian, who refused to give his name, told Lohan that the rehab clinic swimming pool is located directly below her room so even if she did manage to dig her way out she would only end up falling into the pool.

Lindsay did not believe him and when he left she went back to trying to dig a hole.

The next day when Lohan saw him she told him that the yellow #2 pencil did not work.

She then told him that she tried to use her electronic ankle monitoring device but it did not work worth a damn.

Lindsay was totally worn out to a frazzle. She remarked to the custodian, "And on top of that the effen electronic ankle monitoring device left some ugly scratches on both of my ankles, both of my knees, and on one of my tits, the left one...I think.

SIDENOTE: Lindsay says that she guesses that she should be grateful that she is not in a womens prison with the big lesbian mamas who would turn a sweet, innocent, little lady like her into their cell block bitch ho.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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