Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 9 June 2013

image for Lindsay Lohan Admits That There Is Only One Person Who Can Straighten Her Out
Samantha Ronson says she recently rescued a dog which she named Lohan after Lindsay.

LOS ANGELES - Lindsay Lohan (#73013) is not the most popular resident at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic but she is certainly the most boisterous.

Rehab clinic nurse Cadenza Costapino told Fuchsia Garfunkel with The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that Lohan hardly ever shuts up, even when she has her mouth full of food.

Costapino said that Lohan pretty much keeps to herself because none of the other patients want to be associated with her and her space cadet personality.

Fellow patient DonTaysha Singapore (#72996) stated that Lindsay is constantly asking everyone if they think she's pretty, or if they think she is a fantastic actress, or if they think that she is the sexiest celebrity in all of Hollywood.

Miss Singapore did state that a few nights ago Lindsay had a private talk with her and she expressed the fact that there is only one person who can straighten her out.

Lohan went on to tell DonTaysha that the person who can put her back on the right track is her ex-lesbian lover Samantha Ronson.

Singapore remarked that Lindsay said that she loves Ronson because she assumes the male role. Lohan said that she has always loved being told what to do, what to say, and what kind of meal to cook for her man.

SIDENOTE: Miss Garfunkel contacted Samantha Ronson and told her what Lindsay had said. Ronson simply replied that she has heard it all before and she prefers to date a woman who doesn't come with 13 pieces of baggage.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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