Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 4 June 2013

image for Lindsay Lohan Says She Has No Idea How The Bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila Ended Up Underneath Her Rehab Clinic Bed
A photo of Lindsay's bed at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. (Photo courtesy of Charlie Sheen).

LOS ANGELES - Reports coming out of The Henry & Betty Ford Clinic state that Lindsay Lohan is bored and she wants to be let out early due to the fact that she has been a model patient but mostly because she is a famous, nationally known movie star.

Tapioca Swizzle with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that according to the clinic's director, Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass, Miss Lohan has been anything but a model patient.

Mrs. Wheatgrass revealed that Lohan was caught actually trying to dig her way out of her bedroom. She reportedly gave herself away when she asked the clinic custodian, Enzo Rudolphowitz, if she could borrow a pick axe, a shovel, and a bucket.

Enzo, who is one of the most popular employees at the rehab clinic smiled and said that Lindsay is not exactly the brightest crayola in the crayon box.

The clinic's nurse, Cadenza Costapino said that a few days ago, during a daily inspection, she found a bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila stashed underneath Lohan's bed.

When she asked Lohan where the bottle came from, the Hollywood starlet grinned, giggled, and replied, "My guess would be Mexico."

SIDENOTE: Lohan has just completed the first month of a three month stay at the rehab clinic. She has repeatedly said that she spoke with Vice-President Joe Biden and he told her to tell the clinic director to let her out immediately.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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