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Friday, 24 May 2013

image for A look ahead at X Factor 2013 - what's in store for the return of the hit TV smash?
Shaz is back

With X Factor looming we take a look at what's in store.

Well, the biggest change is good old Shaz is back after replacing the talentless slingback wearing cockney bird Tulisa. Bizarrely enough it was only weeks ago when Tullisa swore blind she would be sitting down to chow on some X Factor offerings only to find out from a radio interview with Cowell that she was persona non grata!

When asked why Tullisa had been sacked Cowell later admitted; 'I'd had enough of her walking around the studio stinking drunk each day and flashing her badger to anyone that would look.'

So, is Shaz likely to bring anything new this year? Well let's hope she doesn't bring the hubby as reports tell us Ozzy is back on the wife beater. One crew man who wished to remain anonymous said: 'the last thing we all need is that bat chomping lune riding around on a quad bike all day while his Mrs shouts profanities at the great unwashed!'

What can we expect from Shaz; rants, wise cracks and the odd tickle of Louis Walsh's nads i guess, but I doubt we will be seeing Chris Tarrant in the audience anytime soon especially after Shaz's alcohol fuelled rant at him some years ago. Nor should we expect to see Cowell's ex antipodean booty call Danni Minogue after the biography claiming Shaz was a constant sex pest and lush during her time on the show.

Further reports are that Shaz has already complained about the hot lights and their effects on her implants! Truth is she is a virtual walking Tupperware party with more 'slap' than a 4 year old council kid with ADHD!

Everything else is likely to be the same old offerings: Louis Walsh - eying up the under 21 boys section, Gary Barlow with his 'that was good, but you'll never be as good as me,' look and finally Nicole Swerchniger the resident eye candy and the only reason straight men watch.

Bring it X Factor 2013.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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