Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 23 May 2013

image for Katie Holmes Says She's Lonely And Needs A Boyfriend
Dr. Abdul Goldengrass said that Joan Rivers has one of the most unusual looking hooha's that he has ever seen.

NEW YORK CITY - A close friend of Katie Holmes says that she is just not the same since she divorced Tom Cruise.

The friend who did not want to give her name but did give her nickname; Salsa, said that she is really concerned for her friend.

Katie's gynecologist Dr. Abdul Goldengrass of Manhattan told Bedroom Pillow Talk that he is extremely concerned with Katie's health as well as with her state of mind and her financial decision making.

He said that when she comes in for her monthly checkup she is sullen, morose, and sad, as opposed to the bubbly Kitty Katie that he first examined several years ago.

Dr. Goldengrass says that before whenever Holmes was in the stirrups she would joking say "Giddy up" and pretend that she was Calamity Jane.

Now when she gets up on the stirrups she acts as if she's that evil, venomous woman Omarosa.

The doctor is really worried because Katie has gone from weighing 119 pounds to weighing 99. He said that she is starting to look like that white swizzle stick LeAnn Rimes except that she isn't blonde, she can't sing, and she is not a husband stealer.

Dr. Goldengrass, who is also Joan "The Moan" Rivers gynecologist, said that the last time Katie was in is office she confessed to him that she is very lonely and needs a boyfriend bad.

SIDENOTE: Katie's close friend, Salsa, said that Katie is so confused and so mixed up that she has even mentioned calling up Russell Brand up and inviting him out to dinner.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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