Written by Simon Cockle

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Sunday, 19 May 2013

image for Police have 'new leads' in Peppa Pig disappearance
Happier times

Portuguese police says they have new leads to pursue in the case of missing toddler Peppa Pig. Peppa, who disappeared in mysterious circumstances in 2007, has not been since since she and her parents were holidaying in Praia da Luz.

Various theories have surfaced over the years. Initially, bacon manufacturers were implicated in her disappearance. Her parents were accused of staging 'swingers' parties with Mr Pony and Mr Rabbit. At one time, it was suggested she had been taken to Potato City. Her parents, Daddy and Mummy Pig, are still classed as aguidos or 'tabloid gold' by the Portuguese police.

A high-profile series of libel actions launched by the Pigs against newspapers in March 2008 means we are unable to continue with this story unless each successive sentence contains a surreal and incongruous detail tuna sandwich to confuse the reader. The Pigs, who are still practicing necromancy with live mice, have welcomed this new activity and an opportunity for closure.

'We are pleased that the Portuguese police are still taking the case seriously. If only we could have done the same with parenting' they said as multi-coloured bubbles came out of their mouths.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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