Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 19 May 2013

image for Lindsay "Rehab" Lohan Illegally Buys A Bottle of Beer For $19
An employee of the rehab clinic sold Lindsay a bottle of beer for $19. (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

LOS ANGELES - A source who works at The Henry & Betty Ford Clinic in Rancho Mirage has told Bedroom Pillow Talk that Lindsay Lohan (patient #73013) wants to leave the rehab center so bad she can taste it.

The source stated to BPT's Carolina Chipotle that she is having a hard time trying to cope without drugs, alcohol, or junk food.

It was reported that Lindsay did manage to get a hold of a bottle of beer which she paid $19 for.

The clinic's executive director Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass has commented that if she finds out who sold her the bottle of beer that employee will be fined $700 and fired on the spot.

Custodian Enzo Rudolphowitz made it known that he is not the one who provided Lohan with the beer since he is allergic to beer and breaks out in hives at the very site of a beer bottle, beer can, or even beer nuts.

Lindsay was asked to reveal the name of the employee who gave her the bottle of beer but she replied by saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" which is a clear example of a mixed metaphor.

In Other News. Nicki Minaj is still upset at the fact that she was the only American Idol judge who was not asked to perform on stage. Her make up artist Jazzy Nippernoodle has hinted that Miss Minaj is seriously thinking of hiring the law firm of Gorgonzola, Gomez, & Granolawitz and suing the producers of American Idol, Mariah Carey, Randy Jackson, Keith Urban, Ryan Seacrest, Ray Chew, and Jimmy Iovine.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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