Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 17 May 2013

image for Candice Glover of South Carolina Crowned The New American Idol!
Along with the $1 million first prize Candice also received a little Yorkie which she named Peaches after Ryan Seacrest.

HOLLYWOOD - Candice Glover of St. Helena Island, South Carolina was crowned the winner of American Idol's season 12.

She beat out Texas native Kree Harrison, who looks exactly like Rose, the Melanie Lynskey character on Two and A Half Men.

Randy "The Dawg" Jackson said that Candice is probably the best singer to ever appear on AI. He noted that she can sing in four different languages including in Swedish.

Mariah Carey said she really likes Candice because she would always bring Heath Toffee Bars to the rehearsals and hand them out to her, Keith, Ryan, and Randy.

Carey said that Candice never gave any to Nicki Minaj because she did not like her at all. Ryan said that Candice had told him several months ago that she (Candice) just doesn't like the clown-like appearance of Minaj the Meany, as everyone on the show calls her.

Keith said that Candice is so darn good that he may consider recording a country music duet with her. He smiled and added that they could be another Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn.

All of the top ten contestants congratulated Candice after the show except for Lazaro Arbos who forgot the words he was going to say, just like he had forgotten the lyrics to several of the songs.

Burnell Taylor said that he would be willing to be Candice's boyfriend but then he remembered that he is already Amber Holcomb's boyfriend.

And Angie "Bubbly" Miller reportedly said that her and her piano are going to go on tour and save the world.

Woody The Wonder Woodchuck correctly predicted that Candice would win and Kree would lose. Woody ended up with a season 12 record of 31-3.

SIDENOTE: President Obama called Candice after the show, congratulated her, and told her that he the First Mama, and the two First Kiddoes, Malia, and Sasha all voted for her a whole bunch of times.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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