Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 17 May 2013

image for Lindsay Lohan's Rehab Clinic Escape Plot Exposed!
Lindsay planned to dig her way out of the rehab clinic using a fountain pen.

LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles Police Department is reporting that Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic patient #73013 was making plans to escape from the rehab facility.

Officer W.K. Ruskinriggins with the LAPD said that he was called to the rehab clinic by the clinic's executive director Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass at 11 p.m. (Pacific Standard Time) on Thursday, May 16.

When he arrived at the facility he was greeted by Ms. Wheatgrass, security guard Van Buren Mollycoddle, and the clinic's custodian Enzo Rudolphowitz.

They all quickly went to Miss Lohan's room where she had been tied up with pieces of a pillow case by the clinic's nurse Cadenza Costapino.

Nurse Costapino told Officer Ruskinriggins that the reason why she had to tie her up was because she bit her right elbow and she was trying to scratch her teeth.

Miss Lohan was asked if anyone else was involved in the plot to escape. She giggled and said that she was assisted by the security guard, Mr. Mollycoddle.

Mollycoddle sternly denied it and he called Lohan a crazy, low-life, bottom-feeding, lying bitch. Lohan yelled out that she was not crazy.

Officer Ruskinriggins informed Ms. Wheatgrass that he would not take Lohan away because that is exactly what she wants so he suggested that they place her in solitary confinement for one week.

SIDENOTE: The rumor that Lindsay's ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson tried to sneak Lindsay a pack of cigarettes in her bra is false.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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