Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 10 May 2013

image for American Idol Bombshell - All 4 Judges Are Being Fired!
Mariah Carey says that she has taught her pet bird named "Idol" to sing several of her songs.

LOS ANGELES - The executives of American Idol have just dropped the biggest bombshell in the show's 12 seasons on the air.

A highly placed inside source who said that his name was Ahab stated that he overheard the show's producers talking about the dismal ratings that the show has received this season.

The producers feel that the four judges, Randy "The Dawg" Jackson, Mariah "The Diva" Carey, Nicki "The Circus Clown" Minaj, and Keith "The Country Aussie" Urban are all to blame for the show's poor showing and will be fired after the show's finale.

The Chicago-based Amalgamated Agency of Data Gathering has informed the powers that be that ever since Simon "The Count of Criticism" Cowell left the show, it has been going downhill at a high rate of speed.

AADG said that viewers used to tune in to see Simon get into verbal jousts with Paula "Touchdown" Abdul and listen to him make his venom-filled contestant critiques like only The Sultan of Sarcasm can make.

Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight stated that Cowell could be so hatefully evil that on one occasion he actually made Randy The Dawg cry and on three occasions he made Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest cry.

De Gallo recalled that on the season's premier show, Simon insulted Paula so badly that during the next commercial she actually bit Simon on his right tricep and did not turn loose until Randy, Ryan, and two security guards jumped in and forcibly removed her jaw from his tricep.

Ahab, the inside source, said that he heard that Mariah is being let go because she is always looking around the theater as if she is looking for her pet bird Idol.

Randy is being terminated because the producers have had their fill of his worn out clich├ęs such as "Yo, Yo, Yo," "That was ah too pitchy for me," "Ryan, she's in it to win it!" and "I don't know dude, but if I can be honest - that just really sucked for me dawg."

Keith Urban is being let go because he calls every female "baby" and the producers are afraid of getting some kind of feminist lawsuit filed against him and the show.

And the Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus clown, Nicki Minaj is being fired for way too many reasons to mention.

SIDENOTE: Ahab said that Ryan's job as host is safe. He then noted that the X-rated photos that Seacrest has in a safety deposit box have sure come in handy as the dickens.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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