Written by Ossurworld
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Monday, 6 May 2013

Each year now Tom Brady puts together an elite group of former Patriots who go to the Kentucky Derby with him.

Usually Tom has an opportunity to sport his latest hairdo and don his most fancy tie and coat, all in an effort to avoid looking like a horse's petute.

This year, once again, Wes Welker joined the shenanigans to see which player could look more like a dandy out of one of Oscar Wilde's soiree for the opening night of Salome.

Now other quarterbacks are beginning to catch on that to be high class you have to be a horse's ass. To that end, Aaron Rodgers brought a few of his noteworthy prima donnas to the event, such as Clay Matthews of ponytail fame.

Not to be outdone this year, Welker showed off his newly plugged head of hair. On top of that, Welker owns one of the plugs that actually races with the other horses.

Perhaps the nirvana moment of the day (with no wives in attendance), the boys met Conan O'Brien, who talks more than Mr. Ed and makes about as much comic sense.

Their high school reunion greeting is a scrum of a hug that seems even to knock Brady off his high horse. When Welker jumps on top of a group hug with Teddy Bruschi and Brady with O'Brien, we know they are now tall in the saddle.

We give Tom credit again for having the horse's nackers at the Derby. He is dressed in his First Communion suit with a red checkerboard bowtie. Welker is in velvet, and Bruschi looks like an usher at a wedding.

We love football offseason, and we can hardly wait for the big ball next week when Brady and supermodel wife will go head to head with Amare Studemire and wife at the Metropolitan Art Museum fete.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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