Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Brad Pitt

Monday, 18 September 2006

image for Brad Pitt Sets Example for Commitment-phobic Guys

With his good looks, talent, and charming ways, Brad Pitt has long been a favorite of the ladies. His recent statement, "Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," has made him a favorite of the gay community. And because of this statement, Pitt has found himself ANOTHER fan base -- straight, commitment-phobic men constantly on the lookout for new and ingenious ways to avoid marriage.

For Steve Single, Brad's statement came just in time. Steve was running out of excuses for reasons not to marry his girlfriend of four years when he read about what Brad had said. He quickly used the same line on his girlfriend, and it worked to perfection. "The guy's a genius," Steve reports. "He's not only taught us how to avoid commitment, but also to do it in such a sensitive way, the girlfriend doesn't blow a gasket. Whew! Talk about having your cake and eating it too."

'Way to go Brad,' is also echoed by Norman Nevermarry, another commitment-phobic male. Using a slight deviation of the 'Pitt' method, Norman told his girlfriend, a contestant in the 1998 Miss America Pageant, that he just didn't feel right getting married until there was world peace. He's told friends, "Fat chance of that, right? I'm safe, totally safe! I'm a firm believer in that old advice about not buying a cow when you can get the milk for free."

Bob Bestseller, noted writer and dedicated Brad Pitt fan, has interviewed Steve Single and Norman Nevermarry and is hard at work on a new book about Brad's method. Bob explains, "It's kind of a 'how to' manual for avoiding marriage; that is, taking Brad's brilliant idea and adapting it to your own situation." Bob goes on to explain cheerfully that the permutations are endless: "We can go beyond justice for gays and world peace. There's a ton of other issues. You know, things like eliminating world hunger and stopping spousal abuse. You just choose what'll get the job done for you." Tentative title for Bob's new book? 'JUST SAY NO to Marriage: Do It Brad's Way.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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