Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 30 April 2013

image for Cheryl Cole Says The Sexually Provocative Photos Are Definitely Her
Cheryl shown at The Plastered Platypus Lounge in Brooklyn. (Photo provided by Paco Peso).

NEW YORK CITY - Cheryl Cole wants it known that she has returned to America. The British singer left the United States back in 2011, after she had been fired from Simon Cowell's X-Factor.

Cole was let go due to the fact that none of the American viewers could understand her very strong Geordie accent, especially when she mentioned numbers, food, and body parts.

She also left due to the fact that she was unceremoniously dumped by her American boyfriend, Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough of Dancing With The Stars fame.

Derek spoke with Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo and told him that Cheryl had a very bad temper. He said that she would suddenly explode while sitting in a nice, exquisite restaurant and due to her Geordie accent she would literally scare the heck out of a lot of the female patrons.

The male patrons thought that it was kinda cute to hear such a harsh sounding voice coming from a cute, little, petite woman.

Chezza, as Queen Elizabeth nicknamed her, was asked about the provocative Internet photos purported to be of her that are floating around cyberspace.

She blushed and said that the very sexually alluring photos are definitely her since she placed them there herself in order to help publicize her return to the United States.

SIDENOTE: The rumors that Cheryl will be staying with Russell Brand are absolutely false. Cole said that she wants nothing to do with Rusty because she is hoping that she can get back together with Derek (Hough).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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