Lindsay Lohan's new publicist and legal defense team announced today that after multiple years of controlled substance abuse, rancid public behavior and breath, and a talent for beer drinking that makes Canadian college Sophomores look like pansies, Ms. Lohan has actually been preparing for a lead role in an upcoming Coen Brothers' movie titled, "I'm More Better Than That".
Releasing several seemingly authentic contractual documents from the movie into evidence, lawyers for Ms. Lohan are hoping to sway the court's judgement in favor of their client to keep her out of jail "just this one more time", as stated by Lohan's legal team assistant, Constance Fibbin.
"She really isn't a bad girl", adds Ms. Fibbin. "She was just preparing for a role that required her to be bad". Fibben went on to describe that Lohan's recent years of anti-social and talent-challenged behavior, including a New Jersey Summer-Stock performance as Liz Taylor in the made for TV movie "Liz & Dick", were all part of the role preparation for the Coen Brothers film. "Lindsay is a compassionate, bright and gifted young actress, who was simply misunderstood during her preparation for this upcoming film", said Fibbin who followed her quote by checking the end of her own nose for change in length.
Lohan's lawyers also pointed to other family members in on the ruse, with recent photos of her supposedly dysfunctional father, Michael, in a library reading a book without pictures, absent any apparent hangover, prison induced bruises or an accompanying press gaggle.
With what some in the legal profession are calling a "cunning stunt", other hard evidence of any studio backing for the film remains undiscovered. However, Lohan's new defense seems plausible, especially in Los Angeles County. One Coen Brothers' film crew member who preferred to remain shameless, said, "I'm not privy to the details of this new project, but if I had to pick a hack-actress to play a substance abusing ho, she'd be it". Neither of the Coen brothers could be reached for comment or confirmation.
Lohan's lawyers say that the movie is set for production soon with the release date scheduled for April 1, 2014.