Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 23 April 2013

image for Simon Cowell Makes A Big Admission
Simon Cowell says he has finally kicked the dreaded cigarette habit. (Photo by Demi Lovato).

NEW YORK CITY - Simon Cowell was in the Big Apple checking up on a business deal regarding a new reality show.

The man behind the success of American Idol and X-Factor talked with Savannah Kettle, a reporter with Glamboyant Magazine.

The 53-year-old Cowell was positively ecstatic at the admission that he had just quit his 40-a-day cigarette habit.

He pointed out that he did it because he got fed up with walking around smelling like he had just taken a bath in an ashtray.

The Sultan of Sarcasm said that he has switched over to electronic vaporized cigarettes, which first originated in the Andes of Peru.

Miss Kettle asked him about his new health regimen. Simon smiled from ear-to-ear and replied that six times a weeks he gets a Platypus Placenta Facial at FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills.

The man with dozens of black and gray T-shirts added that eight times a week he gets an Orange Gatorade Colonic, which he pointed out is administered by his executive maid, Elmira Fitzapple, 27.

Simon was asked if he feels that his overall well-being has improved. He giggled and replied that he is so happy that compared to him a laughing hyena is in an utter state of depression.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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