Written by Crunk
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Tuesday, 16 April 2013

image for Meryl Streep to play Thatcher on Wednesday
we may never find her remains

The world of entertainment is a-fire tonight with the rumours that Meryl Streep is tipped to star in her most challenging role yet, in an epic £10M production with a cast of thousands. The audience is set to break box-office records for a premiere.

Details are emerging that there may have been a 'classified annex' to the funeral plans drawn up by Baroness Thatcher. The Head of the Metropolitan Police, Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe refused to be drawn, on security grounds, as to whether it was true that Meryl had been selected to replace the Iron Lady in the casket. He was happy to acknowledge however, that the Cabinet Office and Operation True Blue had 'special arrangements' to ensure that the body of Lady Thatcher cannot be abducted, interfered with, defiled or indeed, cloned.

A spokesman from the security services neither confirmed nor denied that they had uncovered evidence of a 'Boys from Brazil' style plot, dubbed 'The Girls from Grantham'. If it were true, it would explain the need for subterfuge and the hiding of all the Lady's DNA. Rumours are rife of other plans for the Baroness' cadaver. Damien Hirst has fuelled speculation after dropping hints that he and an up-and-coming artist may have been commissioned to dip the body in molten iron and enter the results for next year's Turner Prize. Hirst denied that it would be titled 'PM' and resemble a harrowing 3-D homage to Bacon's 'Pope'.

Streep's agents are tight-lipped as to whether she will go the 'full monty' on Wednesday and remain in the casket for the immolation, or use a stunt double. Critics are already drafting reviews of the performance using words such as 'incandescent' (The Daily Mail), 'Fiery' (The Independent), 'illuminuminating' (The Guardian) and 'Shit Hot' (Nuts Magazine).

Fans are raving that this will be the pinnacle of her career, while Dame Helen Mirren politely demurred when asked if she was disappointed not to be considered for the role.

Baroness Thatcher's family are said to be furious that that details have leaked out, and are hotly denying that the body is actually to be planted under an allotment in her home town, where she can fertilise a good patch of rhubarb.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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