Written by Ossurworld
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Saturday, 23 March 2013

With the accusation by former Patriot Ted Johnson in regard to the wife of Vince Wilfork, informants now reveal that all Coach Bill Belichick's personnel decisions are based on the players' wives.

Ted Johnson, now a Houston Texan analyst and beauty judge, complained about Wilfork's wife, though he later apologized for wearing rose-colored glasses.

This incident has revealed the tip of the iceberg as far as the pulchritude of Patriot player wives.

Yes, Wes Welker was allowed to walk because Belichick did not like what Mrs. Welker said about Ray Lewis earlier in the season. Her subsequent apology was presumed to be too little too late.

Lately Kyle Arrington's wife has come under scrutiny from Belichick. After giving birth to a son, she has reportedly run Arrington to a frazzle with late night feedings. Belichick re-signed Arrington last week, but with a proviso that his wife had to shape up.

The only player whose wife seems to have won the Belichick beauty contest is Giselle Bundchen, wife of Tom Brady.

Skeptics claim she has won the beauty prize because she makes more money every year in modeling than all the players who sack Tom Brady combined.

In fact, she can sack Tom Brady every night to prove her value and beauty.

Patriot wives had long suspected that 'Spygate' referred to camera surveillance the Patriot coach has put on them at every game. He raised issue with players often at half-time of games when he waved photos of wives not paying attention to the defensive scheme.

Belichick reportedly approved owner Robert Kraft's new young actress girlfriend after inspecting photos taken surreptitiously at practice.

Players who are unmarried are left to the supervision of Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels and his cameramen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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