Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 19 March 2013

image for Dancing With The Stars Kicks Off With Kellie Pickler, Lisa Vanderpump, Wynonna Judd, and Andy Dick
Len said his new wife bought him a pair of imported Swedish dancing shoes for Valentine's Day.

HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars has returned and it appears that the British judge Len Goodman is still as grouchy as ever.

DWTS host Tom "Smiley" Bergeron remarked that The Grouchy Grouch is a newlywed having gotten married three months ago.

Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli congratulated Len and asked if he married a female.

Carrie Ann Inaba laughed so hard she dropped her hot dog and almost fell out of her chair.

This year's contestants feature two country music artists, the young, svelte Kellie Pickler and the older, heavier Wynonna Judd.

Calcutta Cotton with Music Moments Magazine stated that Wynonna has gotten so big she practically makes Kirstie Alley look anorexic.

Wynonna and her partner Tony Dovolani danced to a song by Bob Dylan and Judd showed the viewers that dancing isn't necessarily about moving your feet.

The country music icon received three 6's which was quite generous of the judges. Wy's mama Naomi Judd was in the audience leading the crowd in some good old fashioned Kentucky cheers and passing out five dollar bills.

Disney star Zendaya, who is only 16, received the highest score with three 8's. She is paired with Val "Shirtless" Chmerkovskiy.

Country artist Kellie Pickler and her partner Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough are in the top 4. Kellie showed some pretty sensuous moves that no doubt surprised the heck out of the folks back home in Dixie.

On the other side of the coin is comedian D.L. Hughley, who shocked everyone since the brutha has absolutely no rhythm whatsoever, or if he does he left it back at the crib.

Slow Bro Hughley ended up in 12th place (last place) with three 4's for a lowly total of 12.

He said that his feet were hurting since he had spent the morning mowing his lawn and shooting baskets.

SIDENOTE: Calcutta Cotton stated that the season's first romantic entanglement could be between Lisa Vanderpump of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and professional newcomer Gleb Savchenko, who is holding Vanderpump a lot closer and tighter than any other male professional.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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