Written by DP Whitehead
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Monday, 4 March 2013

image for Spielberg and Cruise Team Up For Napoleon Epic
Cruise (With A Beard - Just Like Ben Affleck's - Who Has TWO Oscars!)

Steven Spielberg is to make a mini-series based on the life of teeny tiny French Emperor Napoleon and has already earmarked Tom Cruise to star as the dwarf like leader who not only continually tickled his own nipple but also branded and created his very own ice-cream.

"I am delighted to be playing Napoleon" tweeted Cruise "I was born for this role - I am Napoleon in so many, many ways!"

However Cruise's casting could be a nightmare for make up artists and special affects teams as Napoleon was 4 ft 8 inches tall in real life; meaning that Cruise either has to grew another 6 inches by the time filming starts or stand on a box during the making of the production.

One suggestion is that child actors be brought in to stand in for Cruise, making him look taller, in full body scenes.

A casting call has been issued for 8 year old kids, with pearly white teeth and not a hint of a wrinkle nor a grey hair to contact Spielberg's private, closely guarded and top secret address spielberg@sspielberg.web.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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