Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 4 March 2013

image for Paris Hilton's TV Show, The Vampire Threesome Gets The Axe
Paris told Vampire Threesome executives that she wanted a salary bigger than Brand's and Handler's combined.

HOLLYWOOD - Word out of LaLaLand is that the Epitome Television Network has just cancelled The Vampire Threesome.

According to Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo there were several reasons why the vampire show which starred Paris Hilton, Russell Brand, and Chelsea Handler was cancelled.

The shows director Durango Grundyweather dropped out of the show two weeks ago after the false quasi-molestation charges which were leveled by Paris Hilton.

Grundyweather stated that Hilton visited him in his on-set trailer wearing the skimpiest bikini swimsuit he had ever seen. He said that as the two were talking about the script she conveniently fell onto his lap.

He asked her what in the world she was doing and she giggled and replied that she had lost her equatorial.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm sure that the spacey blonde actually meant to say equilibrium.]

One of the shows stunt women, identified as Madonna "Lips" Pickwick, said that another factor that contributed to the shows cancellation was the fact that the shows other blonde cast member Chelsea Handler has a vampire phobia and she is allergic to vampire cloaks, garlic clusters, and hanging bats.

The talented stunt woman stated that Handler's allergic reaction causes her left nipple to enlarge to four times the normal size while her right nipple amazingly stays the same standard size.

Pickwick also brought out the fact that the shows male co-star Russell Brand is alleged to have suffered some bothersome mouth cuts due to the fake vampire fangs he was required to wear.

Brand confided to Paris that the cuts caused him so much pain that he had to drink down shot after shot of Johnnie Walker Black, which of course then impaired his acting abilities.

SIDENOTE: The Epitome Television Network expressed that in the meantime The Vampire Threesome time slot will be filled with reruns of The Muffin Makers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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