Written by Ossurworld
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Sunday, 17 February 2013

King John Henry VIII, principal owner of the Boston Red Sox, has talked now about moving the franchise to England to play at a new venue.

Now that the third season of Downton Abbey is in the can, and most of the cast has been eliminated in a tawdry plot device wherein a meteor wipes out the downstairs, the property is ripe for another soap opera.

Thus enter the upstart and nouveau riche American Red Sox.

Owner Henry VIII is excited about the move. "If it rains, we can move the games indoors and play in the great hall. The walls there are taller than the Green Monster at Fenway."

The Red Sox have more subplots than Downton is used to, but players will all have their own rooms in the west wing.

In the pilot episode, someone mysteriously poisons Carl Crawford, the former left fielder with an unknown toxin, and in a midnight coverup, John Henry and Larry Lucchino must carry the body to the next abbey and lay the blame at the feet of the Tampa Bay Rays.

Things go from bad to worse when Terry Francona leaves a book in Henry's library that accuses the Downton Abbey staff of disloyalty.

Next, Scott Boras orchestrates a complex situation wherein Jacoby Ellsbury runs off with the chauffeur to a west coast location.

When John Henry loses all his money in a Ponzi scheme, he must sell bricks from the pantry to pay the staff. Tom Werner discovers that Henry has overpaid a bunch of old veterans and that the sexiest player at Downton is Vicente Padilla.

Worse, the Dowager Papi Ortiz hurts his Achilles heel while trying to evade a medical test and winds up losing at the annual flower show.

The Red Sox cricket game with the townsfolk turns into a riot when Josh Beckett and Dice-K show up to pitch for the opposing team.

And that's only in the first hour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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