Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 15 February 2013

image for Kirstie Alley Says Paula Deen Is Her New BFF
Paula Deen says that she has been baking her own bread since she was two-years-old.

NEW YORK CITY - Kirstie Alley recently appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight and talked about the two times she's appeared on Dancing With The Stars.

She revealed to Morgan that dancing with Maksim Chmerkovskiy was the greatest thing in the world but it was also the worst thing in the world as well.

Morgan asked her to explain. Kirstie said that Maks, who is known as The Bad Boy of The Ballroom, is a perfectionist and if she so much as hit the floor mark one-eight of an inch off he would explode and start hollering and yelling in Russian.

The 62-year-old actress said that he learned real quick to lose his temper in Russian because the first time he yelled at her using some explicitly vulgar American words she gave him a swift kick in his Kremlins (i.e. gonads) (i.e. balls).

She said that after that he asked her in a much higher voice to please never do that again because one day he would like to have a little Maks or a little Maksette.

Morgan asked her about her new BFF (Best Friend Forever), cooking show host Paula Deen. Kirstie's eyes lit up and she began grinning like the Czechoslovakian cat that swallowed the Colombian canary.

She remarked that she first met the 66-year-old culinary countess at The Silly Sardine Seafood Restaurant in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

The former Cheers star said that the two hit it off right away and Deen invited her to visit her Savannah, Georgia, home where she promised to show her how to cook all kinds of southern dishes, deserts, and salads.

Kirstie told her that she loves the south and that she had seen Gone With The Wind six times. She also divulged that she is a great big fan of cornbread.

SIDENOTE: Alley said that she plans to visit The Southern Fried Dixie Grandma the day before Easter Sunday and that Paula told her that she will show her how to take hard-boiled Easter eggs and make them taste like Duck Dumplings Ala Quack.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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