He may be a super MAN, but some women don't think the Man of Steel is a super DATE. Superman was appalled to see that he was listed on StayClearOfTheseMen.com, Mary Manhater's website where women share horror stories about their dating experiences.
His friends say that there were about a dozen comments from complaining women, but these were the five comments that hurt Superman the most:
-- "A pox on x-ray vision! When I invited Superman to my apartment for a romantic dinner, I was wearing a terrific new little tube dress. He just walked in the door when he was complimenting me on my lacy black UNDERWEAR! I was saving that stuff for AFTER dinner; you know, trying to preserve a little mystery. I mean, what is this? Is nothing sacred anymore?"
-- "He spent half the date looking for a phone booth to use as a changing room. That's a problem. There just aren't that many phone booths left in New York City."
-- "We went to a formal wedding and Superman DID rent a tuxedo, but he insisted on wearing that red cape thing over it! Oh yeah, and his red boots too. And he kept them on all night. And I do mean ALL night."
-- "We were watching a Batman movie with some friends and Superman was a total pest. Insisted on criticizing Batman and describing what he SHOULD have been doing. As if that weren't bad enough, he kept asking if HIS outfit was as classy as Batman's."
-- "Got tired of his constant reminders that he could 'leap tall buildings at a single bound.' Who needs it? I went out with him for a year and never required that particular skill."
Fortunately the Man of Steel is now in a new relationship. His current girlfriend, Laura Loyal, has read the remarks on the website, but she's standing by her man. She DOES think, however, that her man could use a wardrobe makeover as well as some advice in the romance department. He's found the perfect consultants to help him out -- the stars of TV's "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
Laura promises to report back to The Spoof around Halloween, when Superman's makeover should be complete. According to her, "He's great, he just needs a little polish, that's all." Laura is sure that the nasty ladies from StayClearOfTheseMen.com will be eating their words when they see the Man of Steel's transformation. "I'm giving them fair warning," she says. "Hands off! It's not a bird; it's not a plane. It's a man, a wonderful man, and he's mine, all mine!"