Written by Mr Anorchristic
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Monday, 11 February 2013

image for Matt Damon to Play Pope In New Hollywood Blockbuster
The Pope having a break yesterday.

Its official! Matt Damon is to play the outgoing Pope Benedict in a new Hollywood blockbuster being penned for release in 2014.

Matt Damon a well known Bostonian Catholic from Boston, today spoke about his new role in press release which has got Catholics around the world on their knees with delight and dismay. Damon said 'can you help an old altar boy father' in his well known fake Bostonian twang refused to acknowledge that his new role would be to purge the church of its damaged image of past and recent child abuses and would concentrate more on performing Exorcisms 'as they were big in Hollywood and made money for big Jewish producers'. The Film title is rumored to be 'The Pope Identity' will be released in 2014 and the sequel 'The Pope Supremacy' is being penned for release in 2015 and 'The Pope Ultimatum' will follow in 2016.

Pope Benedict spoke today about the possibility of Damon playing him a biography of his life went one step further and blessed Damon in having him apply for his old job! Damon is well known for shying away from the limelight as he appeared in only eight new film releases last year, stated today in a press release ' I moight go fer da rool ye know, Oi'm a good cat'lic and I can whip de church into shape because oi'm Mott Demon and I can kill ye with a toothpick... is the Pope a cat'lic?'.

A Vatican spokesperson who cannot be named for legal reasons said today: 'Vell you can see that Pop Daddy is a clever and shrewd operator. Every Pope before him has been assassinated by various methods such as poisoning, stabbing and generally worked to death but he's managed to escape that, the first Pope in 600 years to do so. Death comes with the Job but he thinks he can escape death and the hell fire that awaits him because he was a Nazi after all'.

In a surprise turnaround of events every catholic in the world was asked to put forward their best Priest for the top job. Ireland put forward Father Jack Hackett from Father Ted fame; Africa put forward Bishop Desmond Tut Tut; the UK put forward Cardinal Fume the US put forward Mel Gibson , (who asked for the role) and the rest of the Catholic world put forward Kylie Minogue for the top job. Saudi Arabia abstained from the selection process stating that: there are no other religions here as we have persecuted them all to death'.

In an online survey, posted on the social networking site FlakeBook , Mel Gibson was ahead by 12 points in taking the new job.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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