Chris Brown totaled his Porsche while avoiding the girlfriend of Manti Te'o. She was chasing him in the sleigh of Santa Claus with the Tooth Fairy driving like a demon.
Brown claimed that she was hand in glove with paparazzi pursuing him on the way to his imaginary work project with his mother supervising his probation.
The Porsche was said to be the evil twin of the James Dean death car, resurrected to kill another bad boy.
Rhianna said she was sorry she was unable to be in the car with him as she likes to be at the scene of every crash, accident, and catastrophe Brown orchestrates.
Though Brown contended there were dozens of witnesses, no one yet has been found to corroborate his fantastic tale of woe.
The notorious singer contended he was followed by murderous drones manned by the CIA. He said in recent months he has been the victim of a massive conspiracy, bigger than the coverup at Roswell.
Brown was unable to describe the man on the grassy knoll whose photoflash caused the singer to swerve off the road and hit a foam mattress that fell of a truck in front of him.
He said pictures would be available to the media just as soon as his press agent finished the photoshopping.
Brown told assembled multitudes of sycophants that the plot may be hatched by Lindsay Lohan who is desperately trying to deflect the heat from bad publicity.