Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 10 February 2013

image for The Titillating Reason Sofia Vergara Turned Down Dancing With The Stars
Sofia has stated that her goal is to make a movie with George Clooney. (Photo by Eric Stonestreet).

LOS ANGELES - The star of the television comedy Modern Family, Sofia Vergara currently has the biggest selling calendar in the entire country.

According to Tahiti Zeppelin with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres, Ms. Vergara's 2013 All-Nude Sofia Vergara Mayan Apocalypse Calendar has sold more than the next three highest rated calendars combined including The Paris Hilton 2013 Calendar.

The sit-com actress was recently spotted at The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo in Tarzana where she had gone to spend the afternoon relaxing among the friendly animals.

She was asked by Miss Zeppelin how it felt to have the top selling calendar in America. Vergara giggled and said that it made her feel as if she was the most famous woman in the United States, Hillary Clinton.

Sofia was then asked if it was true that she had been approached by the executives with Dancing With The Stars about appearing as a contestant on the upcoming season.

The Colombian beauty started laughing so hard she almost spilled the animal nuggets she was feeding to the petting zoo animals.

She composed herself and said that they did want her real bad, but she felt that due to the enormous size of her breasts* that she could very easily end up hurting her dancing partner if she were accidentally to hit him in the head with one of her tata's.

Zeppelin shook her head and told her that she could certainly see that it was something to consider.

Sofia then proudly said that her brand new Sofia Vergara Bobblehead Doll is flying off the shelves at Walmart and other retail stores.

SIDENOTE: The word on the street is that Russell Brand is so smitten with Sofia that he has personally purchased 18 of the bobblehead dolls and he keeps them all in his master bedroom.

*34-DD

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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