Written by Ossurworld
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Friday, 8 February 2013

When we thought of Patriot tight end Rob Gronkowski as having a career in movies, we did not think he was suited for porno (excuse us, we mean adult entertainment).

Yet, he has been made an offer he can refuse-- to do a film where he bares all for nearly $4million. There is no word on whether this film will be arty or a short subject.

We would prefer to see Gronk in a cowboy hat taking on town boss Rex Ryan in a modern oater.

We would not mind seeing Herculean Gronk taking on the dangerous Cyclops played by Ray Lewis in a fantasy muscle movie.

We want to see Gronk dispatching zombies like the 49ers in a major motion picture.

As far as an adult movie goes, Gronk would make a year's salary for five minutes of hard work. Since the Patriot playboy wants to be an original, he would be a first-timer unless you count any athlete with Kim Kardashian.

How many would pay a premium price to buy a pay-per-view showing of Gronk's hidden asset? Would groups of frat boys chip in to buy beer and an evening of watching Gronk's learning curve?

More than ever, we are in an age of "anything goes," to an extent that Cole Porter would find more shocking than a glimpse of stocking.

Seeing Gronk in an adult movie would be worse than the shock the Puritans got if Plymouth Rock landed on them.

Good authors once used polysyllabic words, but with Gronk would force us to use only four-letter words.

If the film contained some wrestling scenes in the Greek mode, Gronk would be game. As for this offer, we think shy Gronk will prevail. You'd have a better chance of seeing Gronk pull his groin than make an adult film.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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