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Wednesday, 12 November 2003

Britney Spears was spotted today working as a waitress in a greasy spoon on the A5 outside Dunstable, adding to fears that the nubile pop minx may never grace MTV again.

Ms Spears is just one of a growing number of celebrities, mostly pop stars, who are being forgotten by the public.

One-time arch rival Christina 'Xtina' Aguilera was recently relegated to hosting the MTV Awards because everyone knew she wouldn't win anything. Christina said, "If I wasn't such a crazy bitch who posed for highly glamorous and sexy pictures in mens mags I would have slipped out of the limelight."

It seems that Britney's virgin image and the fact that she's no longer a teenager have caused learing men to cease putting her in the papers.
Beachball-chested glamour queen Jordan said, "If Britney waps out the baps she will be back into the spotlight. Works for me all the time."

Britney isn't the only one. The rest of N'Sync have buggered-off into into the backwoods of obscurity whilst only naughty-boy type Justin remains in the public eye. Britney can join the members of Take That who aren't Robbie Williams and boy band 5ive in the land of the unknown unless she acts quickly.

According to former HearSay member, er.................... y'know, the one who looks like Shrek..., "Its a shit business, two singles and then everyone forgot us;" he added, "Would you like fries with your Zinger Burger?"
Fellow ex-HearSay member Myleene Klass remarked "If i didn't have such great tits no-one would care about me anymore."

We did a quick survey of 10 people about the names of the contestants on the 1st series of Big Brother in the UK, and only two could remember anyone who was on the first series. Gary Sharples, media moghul, said "We live in a world of throwaway celebrities, anyone from reality TV can make it. Bloody rubbish."

According to showbiz supremo and criminal mastermind Bob Carolgees, "You need a special calibre to stay in the game. I've got it, Iron Maiden have tons of it, but these kids just don't cut the mustard."

Ladbrokes are taking bets on the next celebrity to fade into obscurity. Gareth Gates is 14-2, Pink 12-4, Jimmy Tarbuck 200-1 and Alex Parks 4-1 favourite.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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