Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

image for Ashley Judd and Indy Winner Dario Franchitti's Marriage Skids Out of Control
One of the first formula one race cars that Dario Franchitti raced in. (Photo by Ashley Judd).

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Three time Indianapolis 500 winner Dario Franchitti flew down to Cabo San Lucas, to get away from the horde of reporters who have been hounding him and his wife Ashley Judd since they announced that they are ending their marriage.

The couple was married in 2001, in a Scottish castle that reportedly was once attacked by the infamous, barbarian Attila The Hun.

Franchitti, 39, landed at Cabo's General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana Airport where he was handed a bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila by Paco del Toro with The Cabo San Lucas Morning Olé News.

The race car driver thanked del Toro and he was asked about his movie star wife. Dario told him that his wife is okay, but that he just felt smothered as she seemed to always want to be with him.

He revealed that due to the fact that at 44, she is 5 years older than him that she has become more and more sensitive and insecure as the years have passed.

Dario confessed that his wife spends thousands of dollars a month on all kinds of female products including Cellulite-Be-Gone Cream, Liver Spot Removal Salve, Wrinkles Away Lotion, Bye Bye Freckles Cream, and lots of other assorted ointments, balms, emollients, and liniments.

He divulged that he does admit razzing her a lot referring to her as his Kentucky cougar. Dario said that when they were first married Ashley simply laughed it off, but she changed as he became more famous and twice she actually threatened his crotch region with a pair of channel lock pliers.

After winning his third Indy 500, the sexy, erotic, young women started coming around by the droves and handing him their phone numbers and bra sizes.

Franchitti confessed that one day last summer, as he and Ashley were relaxing by the pool of a Las Vegas hotel, he received 16 phone numbers in just three hours.

He said that Ash became very jealous and took the 16 phone numbers away from him and tore them up into little itty bitty pieces. She then stuck the pieces in her animal print bikini panties.

Ashley was contacted by iRumors and asked to give a statement.

She simply remarked that she still deeply loves Dario but that she cannot compete with the likes of so many lasciviously lewd swimsuit model types.

Wynonna Judd, Ashley's half sister was also asked to comment on her sibling's upcoming divorce.

The country singer grinned and replied, "Well sir, I've been married three times, so one time don't impress me none. Pass the cornbread hon."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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