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Tuesday, 29 January 2013

image for Brain implant for Louis Walsh
Brian the hamster in happier times

A spokesperson from Beaumont Hospital in Dublin confirmed that a small brain implant was successfully performed on X Factor judge Louis Walsh yesterday. The latest information from the hospital suggests that Walsh is recovering well after surgery.

The implanted brain was apparently donated from an anonymous Essex woman following a fatal domestic vacuum cleaning incident. She generously offered the remains of her much-loved hamster, Brian, to medical science.

Neurosurgeons waiting for a suitable match for Walsh were delighted to discover that the brain - similar to a walnut in size - of this little critter was an almost perfect match for the presenter. Earlier exploratory surgery had revealed that the available cranial space for the implant was alarmingly small.

Walsh is expected to be kept in hospital under observation for at least two weeks. During this time, doctors will monitor his neurological functioning closely. At Walsh's request, Take That hits will be played to him through earphones on a continuous loop.

Senior Consultant Willie Bodgem commented: "Realistically, it will be at least a month before we can confidently say the surgery has been a success. Small brain implants are still rare occurrences, and Mr Walsh deserves credit for putting himself forward as a guinea pig."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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