Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 28 January 2013

image for Katie Holmes Says She's Giving Up Acting
Katie says that her dream is to become a stand up comedian. (Photo courtesy of Kanye West).

NEW YORK CITY - The ex-Mrs. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, has vowed to give up the silver screen and move on to another career field.

Holmes, recently spoke with Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Chipotle at a Shanghai Sue's Sushi Sandwich Shop in Manhattan.

She talked about the hell that she went through with Tom. She expressed the fact that he accused her of having affairs with such celebrities as Charlie Sheen, George Lopez, Jesse James, and even Sandra Bullock.

Katie, who turned 34, this past December, told Miss Chipotle that Tommy had installed state-of-the-art security cameras to monitor her every move in all the rooms of their mansion, including the kitchen and all of the bathrooms.

She said that the final straw came when he wanted her to carry around a mini-cam and constantly film herself 24/7.

Holmes last film was the sequel to her 2011 hit film Jack and Jill, which was titled, Jack and Jill and Baby Bill.

When Ms. Chipotle asked her what career she wants to go into, Holmes smiled and said that she wants to be a stand up comedian.

She was asked if she wanted to be like Kathy Griffin or Lisa Lampanelli and she replied, "Oh hell no. I want to be better than those two relics. I want to be the next Joan Rivers."

Chipotle could not believe what she had heard.

"You mean you want to be the new Joan "The Moan?"

Holmes raised her eyebrows and answered that she has admired Joan Rivers ever since she saw her perform topless at The Plastered Platypus Lounge in Brooklyn on Valentine's Day back in 2002.

SIDENOTE: According to Katie's nanny, Cruise knew of her dream of becoming a stand up comedian and he told her that Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly would become Democrats before he'd allow that to happen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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