Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Saturday, 26 January 2013

image for Kim Kardashian Claims To Be Voice Behind Manti Te'o Hoax
Monkey Business

BILLINGSGATE POST - Kim Kardashian, between whose legs no white man has been, told Hollywood reporter, Rex the Wonder Dog Pulozo, that she was the voice behind Lennay Kekua, the purported girl friend of beleagured Notre Dame football star, Manti Te'o.

Kardashian, self described as one of the most beautiful and sought after women in Hollywood today, told Pulozo that next to making a home sex movie with Ray J, hoaxing Te'o was the most fun she has ever had with her panties on. Since she rarely wears underwear, this bit of titilation should be taken with a grain of salt.

The mastermind behind this virtual relationship between the semi- naive Manti Te'o and the semi-deceased Lennay Kekua is Ronaiah Tuiasopo, a semi-voyeur and bon-vivant whose main claim to fame, prior to this episode, was telling his mother that his father did not exist in either time or space.

Interestingly, both Te'o and Tuiasopo are of Polynesian descent. Asked why he chose to put Te'o through this embarrassing spectacle, Tuiasopo claimed that this practice was an old Polynesian ritual to rid young men of their fear of undocumented nocturnal emissions.

"In the past, it was the custom to Scotch Tape the hands of young Polynesian boys to the bed sheet to rule out any speculation about the authenticity of their claims," explained Tuiasopo. "This removed all doubt."

It must be noted that none of this information came from reliable sources. Although the redoubtable Katie Couric interviewed Manti Te'o about his participation in this hoax, the same holds true.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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