Written by Jaggedone
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Sunday, 20 January 2013

image for Jesse James shoots Ned Kelly!
She's happy that Ned's dead! He took the piss out of her army long enough!

Ned Kelly, Irish-catholic, Australian rebel and bandit has just been buried after he lost a shoot-out with Jesse James in heaven.

The whole thing started after a fight in a saloon called "Heaven and Hell Whores and Nuns". Jesse called Ned an Irish twat and Ned then called Jesse a lawless, no-good scumbag who was slower than Billy the Kid and dumber. At the time they were playing poker with Butch Cassidy, The Sundance Kid, God, the Devil and Mae West.

The fight broke out after the Devil pulled an ace out of his sleeve (typical) and slipped it into Jesse's hand who was always on his side. Ned, who was an honourable rebel who loved to take the piss out of corrupt English in Australia sat on God's side, of course.

They punched each others lights out, rolled out on to the dusty street of the OK Corral and before they could bite each other's ear off; Johnny Cash, singing a Boy named Sue, dived between them and said politely, "Let's settle this with a gun fight!" God and the Devil approved and sadly Ned lost because his long beard got stuck in his barrel and as usual Lucifer's boy won.

The funeral was lead by Rev. Martin Luther King who asked God, "why have their never been any black outlaws?" And he answered, "Only the devil can answer that one!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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