Who would have guessed that the Boston Red Sox and Fenway Park had more soapsuds than Downton Abbey?
In fact, part owner Tom Werner had marketing studies done that told him he needed to elevate the sex appeal of his players and change the entire purpose of winning baseball games to winning more female viewers on their cable network.
To that end, Fenway Park has now more plots than Downton Abbey. You can start with Boston's own Lord Grantham, King John Henry VIII and his alienated would-be son Theo Epstein who moved over to Wrigley Field, the adjoining estate.
And, there is more trouble downstairs at Fenway than Eaton Place and Downton Abbey ever had.
Head Butler Terry Francona has not stolen the silver, but he knows who has-and he is ready to name names.
Tom Werner wants a reality show on the Red Sox cable network to document what bodies are found in what bed on the road. We almost expect something like Lady Mary and her mother carrying the dead boyfriend to the guest room next morning to avoid scandal.
Already it looks like Mike Napoli may be left at the altar by Ben Cherington. Jacoby Ellsbury is throwing a wedding party-and many teammates will not be invited.
Lord Grantham's bad investments are nothing compared to John Henry's. Henry has had to divest himself of all his big stars to save money to continue to run Fenway Park. He has asked footman Larry Lucchino to sell gold bricks to make up the difference.
The 101st Fenway season is not even underway-and already the ratings are soaring.