Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 17 January 2013

image for Kirstie Alley Upset At Explicit Pix
Miss Tijuana, Cookie Corona, intently looking at the photos of Kirstie Alley. (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

TIJUANA, Mexico - Two time Dancing With The Stars contestant Kirstie Alley took a shopping trip down to Tijuana to pick up some Sponge Bob Square Pants piñatas for a neighbor's little girl.

While walking around the market place Kirstie received lots of looks from the local residents. Many called her Christie and asked her how Maksim (Chmerkovskiy) her dancing partner was doing.

One little old lady, who said she had just turned 94, the day before, asked her if it was true that she was having Maksim's baby.

Kirstie started giggling uncontrollably and she had a local maracas merchant translate into Spanish that she is 62-years-old and her eggs dissolved back in 1996.

She was then asked by a policeman what she thought about the nude pictures of her that had appeared in a men's magazine.

Alley was shocked. She told the officer, identified as Jonathan Gomez, that she had no idea what he was talking about.

He told her to wait and he hurriedly walked to his police car and opened the trunk taking out a semi-glossy magazine.

He quickly walked back to Kirstie, who was standing in front of a Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos Restaurant and turned to page 43.

Kirstie's eyes got as big as ping pong balls. She let out a small yell and said that she was shocked to see the naked pictures purporting to be her.

Officer Gomez asked her what purporting meant.

She replied that it meant that it was not her body. She assured him that it was her face, but pointed out that her body had been replaced by a photoshopped body.

Officer Gomez asked her what photoshopped meant.

Kirstie asked him where he had purchased the magazine. He replied that he had bought it the day before at Manolo's Magazine Stand. She asked for directions and he told her that he would take her in his squad car.

Officer Gomez opened the passenger door and Kirstie got in. He told her to put her seat belt on just in case they got hit by a crazy bus driver.

He hit the siren and turned on the flashing lights. Kirstie replied that she felt like she was on an episode of Cops except that she was in a foreign country, there were no trailer parks around, and Officer Gomez spoke in broken English.

When they arrived at the magazine stand, they were both greeted by Manolo who offered them each a shot of Jose Cuervo Tequila.

After about four shots Kirstie told him that she wanted to buy all of the magazine's that had her photoshopped picture in them.

Manolo rolled his eyes and asked her what the hell photoshopped meant. Right away Officer Gomez told him that the beautifully sexy and astounding sultry Miss Alley, his wonderful American movie star and singing friend, wanted to buy all the magazines that showed her posing in the nude.

SIDENOTE: Kirstie left to return to the USA after she purchased the seven magazine's Manolo had for $21. She also gave him a $2 tip, an autograph, and a kiss on the cheek.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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