Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 18 January 2013

image for Christina Aguilera Drained and Despondent
Christina says that she always bets on 13 black.

LAS VEGAS - Christina flew to Las Vegas to get away from all of the hustle and bustle of LaLaLand.

She checked into The The Ali Baba and The 40 Thieves Hotel & Casino, where she had a great time at the roulette wheel.

Tittle Tattle Tonight reported that Miss Aguilera actually won $491 spinning the wheel. When she was asked by 3T's Tapioca Swizzle if there was a particular number she bets on the blonde songstress replied, "13 black, I always bet on 13 black."

Miss Swizzle was able to sit down with the 32-year-old singer and asked her about her weight gain.

Aguilera replied that she is still fighting the battle of the bulge the battle of the thighs, the battle of the hips, and the battle of the butt.

She smiled as she took a sip of her Dos Equis Beer and said that sad to say she is losing the battle on all four fronts.

The 3T reporter asked about her recent bouts of depression. She confided that she was really feeling drained and devastated at being sued by the Jersey Shore's Snooki Polizzi, on grounds that she allegedly stole Snooki's roly-poly, rotund look.

The New York City singer commented that she finally ended up settling out of court for an amount that she did not want to divulge.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up my good friend Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest and he told me that the amount of the settlement was $24,000.]

ChrisAg, as Kathy Griffin calls her, says that she is currently on pins and needles hoping that her Nourishment Network cooking show, Makin Muffins gets renewed for another year.

SIDENOTE: On a positive note, Miss Aguilera proudly stated that her cook book titled, Makin Muffins With The Extremely Talented and Sexy Christina Aguilera AKA The Spatula Sultress, has just been named as the Best Selling Book of 2012, in seven countries; Turkey, Mexico, Greece, Bangladesh, Hungary, Greenland, and Dutch West Wakaboonka.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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