Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 5 January 2013

image for Lady Gaga's New Year's Resolution
Lady Gaga says that her daily intake of Big Macs will be cut down from 5 burgers to just 2. (Photo courtesy of David Crosby).

NEW YORK CITY - All of the Times Square New Year's Eve confetti and streamers have long been swept away by the NYC sanitation workers and the fireworks smoke has dissipated out over the Nova Scotia coastline.

And Lady Gaga once again has sat down and written her New Year's resolution for 2013.

The New York native told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle that this year her resolution will deal with weight.

Lady Gaga made a face and very quietly uttered the word "Duh." She said that it is no secret, since the Material Granny, Madonna has already blabbed it on Live With Kelly & Michael that she has gained some poundage.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I spoke with Ryan Seacrest and he informed me that Lady Gaga's total weight gain amounts to 35½ pounds.]

LG said that she has vowed to lose at least 31 pounds because she is afraid that if she doesn't she will begin to start looking like Christina Aguilera and Kirstie Alley.

The singer who had a hit with "Born This Way" says that she was born skinny and she will once again get to the point of being skinny.

She took a sip from her bottle of Diet Water and said her goal is to have people look at her and say, "My goodness, Lady Gaga is starting to look skinnier than LeAnn Rimes and the little husband-stealer only weighs 63 pounds."

Gaga pointed out that she has already cut out all calories except for the ones that are actually diet calories.

The 26-year-old also stressed that she is going to stop wearing outfits and costumes made out of food such as her Baby Back Ribs outfit, her Caesar Salad outfit, her Lobster Newburg outfit, and her Butterball Turkey outfit.

For further information on the nutritional benefits of Diet Water you can go to www.dietwaterwowwow.wow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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