Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 25 December 2012

image for Dr. Phil Says Lindsay Lohan Is Pretty Much A Lost Cause
Dr. Phil has had some difficult patients such as Paris Hilton, Gary Busey, and Andy Dick. (Photo courtesy of Oprah Winfrey).

LAS VEGAS - Dr. Phil McGraw, one of America's most famous psychologists was in Las Vegas on business, which he said amounted to basically visiting some of the money he has lost at the slot machines.

He was approached by Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle who asked him if the divorce rumors surrounding his marriage were true.

Dr. Phil hollered out "What?" and proceeded to inform Miss Swizzle that he and his wife of 36 years, Robin have never been happier.

He then confessed that if they were any happier they would probably both be in prison.

Dr. Phil first became famous when he began appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show in 1998.

He would be featured in segments where he would help audience members with problems dealing with addictions to smoking, drinking, tongue wrestling, planking, and same sex menage-a-trois'.

Miss Swizzle, knowing that he has had many celebrity patients, asked Dr. Phil how he would approach the problem child known as Lindsay Lohan.

Dr. Phil shook his head, rolled his eyes, and threw up his arms. He replied that he has read a lot of articles and seen lots of entertainment news programs dealing with 26-year-old Lindsay Lohan.

He said that he has had some very difficult patients such as Paris Hilton, Andy Dick, Gary Busey, Naomi Campbell, and Gilbert Gottfried, but he pointed out that he has never had to deal with an out-of-control, loose-as-hell cannon like one Lindsay Lohan.

Dr. McGraw stated that he hates to say it but Lohan is pretty much a lost cause because in order for someone to change their horrendous attitude, their self-centered personality, and their egomaniacal behavior, they first have to admit that they have a problem.

He went on to say that the way things are going Miss Lohan will soon be on her way to prison.

Dr. Phil explained that getting Lohan to admit that she has a problem is tantamount to getting Sarah "Snowballs" Palin to once and for all admit the truth; which is that no one, absolutely no one gives a rat's ass about her opinion, or about what she thinks about anything.

SIDENOTE: Dr. Phil did reveal that he has called Lindsay Lohan at least a dozen times, just in the past five months, and told her that he will take her on as a patient free of charge. She finally called and told him that she does not have a problem and for him to stop acting like there is something wrong with her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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