Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 23 December 2012

image for Ashton Kutcher Finally Files For Divorce From Demi "The Cougar" Moore
Ashton has stated that Demi can keep the Rolls Royce that was a present from Kobe Bryant. (Photo courtesy of Jay Leno).

MARINA DEL REY - After waiting and hoping that his wife would make the first move and file for divorce, Ashton Kutcher, 34, has gone ahead and filed for divorce from Demi Moore, 50, after waiting patiently for one whole year.

The star of Two and A Half Men told Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight that if he continued waiting for Demi to make the first move he and his girlfriend Mila (Kunis), 29, would have kids in high school.

Kutcher told de Gallo that the reason why he wanted for Demi to file for divorce first was so that he would not feel guilty if she decided to go and do something drastic like sell her house and move to Afghanistan, or put her minor daughters up for adoption, or possibly even become a card-carrying member of Sarah "Snowflake" Palin's Tea Bag Party.

Ashton said that he had heard from his hair stylist FuFi Fondue, who is known as the Hair Stylist to the Stars, that Moore had told him that she would give Ashy his divorce when Brad Pitt has a sex change operation.

SIDENOTE: De Gallo stated that Kutcher hired the California law firm of Gorgonzola, Gomez, & Granolawitz, and filed for divorce on grounds of Irreconcilable Ipso Infideliticious.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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