Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: TV, Bill Belichick

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Now available for a limited time, you can hear and see the vivacious New England Patriot coach in all his glory, singing and dancing up a storm.

This annual tradition happens about as often as the Patriots going to the post-season. Like the endless showing of The Wizard of Oz on television for years, the Belichick Xmas Special is beginning to wear on the nerves of NFL Network fans.

Repeated and saved for posterity on CD and DVD, now streamed and tweeted, Belichick's extravaganza has transcended YouTube and YourFace and MyBook, as Bill tells in his opening monologue.

Yes, you can watch again as Bill Belichick reads his favorite holiday stories like "T'was the Night Before the Super Bowl" and "How Eric Mangini Stole Xmas."

Critics have described Belichick's singing voice like Perry Como with dyspepsia. Among the fun guest appearances are Rex Ryan as the Jolly Old Elf and Tiny Tim Tebow making a special pitch to God to "bless us every one."

As a special treat, Ndamukong Suh stomps on Alvin the Chipmunk.

Not since the Pee Wee Herman Xmas special has there been such an array of perverse holiday cheer. Harold and Kumar served as advisors on the production.

A dramatized version of Charles Dickens classic story will be performed by the Patriots, featuring Bill Belichick as Scrooge, Tom Brady as Bob Cratchit, and Bill Parcells as Jacob Marley's ghost.

Right now, the casting of Tiny Tim with either Wes Welker or Danny Woodhead will be a game time decision. Rob Gronkowski hopes to play the spirit of Christmas to come at the climax.

No holiday special would be complete without Bill singing some of the traditional songs of the season. He will belt out "It Came Upon the Red Zone," as well as "We Wish You a Brady Xmas." You cannot afford to miss Bill's special rendition of "Rex Ryan Got Run Over by a Patriot Wide Receiver."

Bill will conduct the entire defensive line with a cappella versions of "Away in a Playoff Berth," "Little Town of Foxboro," and a Super Bowl tribute with "God Rest Ye Merry Green Bay Packers."

Yes, fans, this will be a holiday special for the Ages.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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