Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 2 December 2012

image for Hugh Hefner, 86, Says He Thinks He's Getting Married
A $63,000 Playboy diamond-studded broach that Hefner gave to Crystal on Thanksgiving Day of this year.

HOLMBY HILLS, California - The Playboy Mansion will soon have a happily married woman residing as its "First Lady."

Hugh Hefner, the 86-year-old Playboy Empire mogul has just announced that the wedding between him and Playboy bunny, Crystal Harris, 26, is back on.

The two were to have married a year and a half ago, but Crystal reportedly got cold feet or cold hooters, as Joan Rivers, Jay Leno, and Vice-President Joe Biden all joked.

Reports out of the Left Coast are that Crystal just got to the point where she just could not live without the old-as-the-hills man who is old enough to be her great-grandfather.

According to Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors back in June of 2011, Crystal had no less than two dozen family members tell her that her box of crayolas was missing several crayons for not getting hitched to Hefner, who is reportedly worth in the neighborhood of $50 million.

Crystal recently confided to a close friend that after breaking off her engagement to Hefner she dated a lawyer, a doctor, an NBA basketball player, and a senator.

But she said that they were all boring compared to, as she put it, her super, super, damn super rich Heffy baby.

Hefner appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and told her that he thinks he is getting married. Ellen asked, "To Crystal Harris?"

And he replied, "No, to Crystal Harris."

SIDENOTE: Miss Vermicelli said that a Playboy Mansion source stated that Hefner really likes Crystal because she is great for his health as she can help him burn up to 47 calories per hour just from his salivating about her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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