Written by Simon Saunders
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Saturday, 1 December 2012

image for Darts Legend Eric Bristow Thrown Out Of The Jungle
And Bully's special prize..........

Former 80's darling of the dart board Eric Bristow has ended his stay in the jungle after viewers voted him out of ITV's seemingly never-ending 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!'

Finishing a credible fourth, the former King of the oche was as blunt as an over used dart while in the Aussie bush.

Some of his most barbed comments included calling fellow camp mate, TV cook Rosemary Shrager, "a fat shrieking moo cow." He also referred to former Corrie actress Helen Flanagan as a "daft mare."

It wasn't just the women who were on the receiving end of "The Crafty Cockneys" piercing comments. Posh boy and 'Made In Chelsea' star Hugo Taylor got the treatment as well. Bristow described Taylor as having been born with a "gold spoon up his arse." That may explain the way Hugo walks.

However, the two were to become good mates during their time together.

When not ripping the piss out of the other celebrities he spent most of the time smoking his roll-ups and falling asleep with his poisonous mouth wide open. An open goal for a prospective critter invasion.

Many Twitter users had predicted he would be on for a nine day finish after irritating some of his jungle buddies early on. In the end he managed nineteen days.

One of Bristow's biggest fans, a shady east end mechanic called Clint Denton, had this to say after his eviction from the jungle. "What a facking liberty! I'd put a mankey on 'im tawin. That Ant'n'Dec need to watch their facking norf and soufs. Fackin' norvern ponces. Takin' the piss out is Hobson's choice. Cant's! Do wan me ol china, I've got a cortina needs clockin'. "

Bristow, who suffers from the debilitating disease dartitis, an illness that almost ruined his darts career, revealed during the show that he'd put a ten grand bet on himself to make it past the halfway stage.

Luvverly jubberly!

Despite his rough and ready persona he left the camp well liked by the other competitors and will no doubt return to entertaining darts lovers on the after dinner speaking circuit and performing in darts exhibitions.

He will definitely not be found sprawled all over the pages of a lads mag like Helen Flanagan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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