Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 30 November 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Arrested (Again!)
Lindsay Lohan being driven down to police headquarters.

NEW YORK CITY - The human time bomb known as Lindsay Lohan keeps on furiously tick tocking and there appears to be nothing anyone can do about it.

Lohan, who is considered one of the luckiest females in the history of the world, continues to push the envelope on a daily basis.

A close source stated that if Lindsay was a cat, the cat should be worried as hell because it has already used up its allotted quota of nine lives.

The 26-year-old movie star's recent front page incident involves an altercation she had with another woman at 4:05 a.m. at The Inebriated Kangaroo Lounge in Manhattan.

Lohan was arrested by members of the NYPD and booked at the downtown police station.

According to one of the patrons at the club, who was identified as Pasquale Vino, The Liz & Dick actress was sitting by herself when another female approached her table.

The female, who gave her name as Kambrea "Fifi" Bimbyzooks, told Lindsay that she had just seen her portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor and said that the circus clown known as Nicki Minaj could have definitely been more convincing in the Taylor role.

Lohan reportedly tossed a Buttery Nipple Shooter glass at Miss Bimbyzooks and remarked that she was an evil witch from whatever town that other evil witch named Ann Coulter lives in.

Miss Bimbyzooks then hollered out that if freckles were nickels Lindsay would probably have somewhere around 17,000 nickels.

"Your mama!" Lohan yelled.

"Your mama! And your mama's mama!" Bimbyzooks screamed out.

Lohan then grabbed her by her pony tail and spun her around causing her to bump into a waiter who was carrying six glasses filled with straight Jose Cuervo Tequila.

The tequila glasses went everywhere and the waiter's tray hit Bimbyzooks on her left hooter, which left quite a noticeable bruise.

The police were called and Lohan was arrested. She asked one of the investigating officers if they would refrain from placing her in handcuffs and please cover her head with a tablecloth.

The officer laughed and asked her if she wanted for him to run next door to Luigi & Vito's Deli and get her a Reuben Sandwich.

Lohan replied thank you but said she wasn't hungry.

In Other News. Ann Romney reportedly confided to a close friend that she is quite depressed at the fact that she will not be the nation's First Lady and will just have to resign herself to once again being just plain old Mrs. Mitt Romney.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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