Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 29 November 2012

image for Lindsay Lohan Wants To Date Angus T. Jones
Angus T. loves cheeseburgers and has been known to eat as much as seven in one day. (Photo by Jon Cryer).

VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan says she watched the Internet video of Angus T. Jones badmouthing Two and A Half Men, the show that pays him an astounding $350,000 a week just to utter a few lines that any 19-year-old boy in the good old USA could do.

Lohan could not believe how tremendously ungrateful and unappreciative Angusburger, as Vice-President Joe Biden has nicknamed, could be.

The freckle-faced LiLo, was recently given $100,000 by Charlie "The Space Cadet" Sheen in order to help her pay off some of the back income taxes she owes Uncle Sam and to help pay outstanding parking fines, outstanding traffic fines, and to subsidize her expensive-as-hell Twinkie fetish.

She stated that if someone was paying her $350,000 a week she would never badmouth that individual and would instead pretty much do whatever the person, who is writing the check would want her to do (within reason).

Lindsay, replied that she would not walk over coals, sleep on a bed of nails, or want to get within 50 feet of Mitt "The Flip Flopper" Romney.

Lohan, who recently starred in the movie Liz & Dick, said that she called up Sheen and asked him to tell Angus to call her up.

She told Carlitos, as Jay Leno refers to him, that she would love to go out on a date with Angus and she'll help him get over his shyness with girls quicker than he can say "Mmmm-Mmmm."

Charlie told her that he's afraid that after she got through with little Angus that he would probably not even recognize the little fella because she would most likely turn him into a Russell Brand clone.

SIDENOTE: The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle is reporting that Lohan is so desperate to go out with the cheeseburger-loving Angus, that she has stated that she will personally buy him as many cheeseburgers as he wants and she will even hand-feed them to him while sitting on his lap in her birthday suit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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