BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton was in the Haven of Hair Salon getting her split ends taken care of.
As she sat in her chair she noticed that there was a copy of her brand new 2013 Paris Hilton Nude Calendar sitting on top of a Cosmopolitan Magazine.
She asked her hair stylist FuFi Fondue if he had bought the calendar. Fondue giggled and said that he hadn't and told her that the calendar had been left there the day before by Jane Lynch, the star of Glee.
Hilton asked him what Lynch had said about her calendar. The hair stylist to the stars said that he did not want to say because his mother had told him if you can't say something nice about someone then don't say anything at all or at the very least lie.
Paris, who is known as one of Hollywood's biggest spoiled brat divas, insisted that she be told what Lynch had said.
Fondue told her that Lynch had commented that Hilton looks like she could be related to Joan "The Moan" Rivers due to the fact that both have that space alien look about them.
He went on to say that Jane had also remarked that Hilton has all the personality and charm of sesame seeds and her upper thighs resemble the surface of the moon.
Fondue then told her that Jane had also expressed the fact that Paris is so dumb she thinks that the Dewey Decimal System is inside the human body.
Paris perked up and remarked, "A ha. She's wrong FuFi. The Dewey Decimal System is inside our body. And it's located right below the circulatory system. I remember that from when I was taking science in middle school."
FuFi almost choked on a three-meat burrito he was eating. He ran off to the back and returned seven minutes later.
Paris was looking at her calendar and she told him that Jane wishes she had her sensuously astounding body so that she could appear in a nude calendar.
Hilton then said that if Lynch, who is an avowed lesbianite, got naked, turned sideways, and stuck out her tongue she would look like a friggin pale zipper.
Fondue started laughing uncontrollably. Paris told him to try and control himself before he pees in his pants.
"It's too effen late, you blonde prima donna bitch!" Fondue hollered out as Paris hurriedly made her spoiled celebutante way towards the door.