Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 24 November 2012

image for Simon Cowell Says He Will Have To Change The X-Factor Minimum Age
Britney says that she is thrilled that her being an X-Factor judge has caused people to forget all about her lip syncing.

HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell, the British mogul with the Midas Touch, has just announced that he will seriously consider making a change at the end of the current X-Factor season.

He stated that he and the other three judges, Britney Spears, Demi Lovato, and L.A. Reid were all saddened after 13-year-old Beatrice Miller was eliminated and weeped uncontrollably before millions of America's television viewers.

Cowell, speaking with Calcutta Cotton of Music Moments Magazine, said that he realizes that a young girl at the age of 13, has not yet had to face the element of rejection and when it hits, it is totally devastating; emotionally, mentally, physically, and even geographically.

The Sultan of Sarcasm stated that last year there were two very young teenage girls who were eliminated and both took it extremely hard, way much harder than any of the older girls.

Drew Ryniewicz, who was 14, was the first to be eliminated. Cowell had the brilliant idea of having her sing while sitting on a lone chair with an apple at her feet.

The idea failed miserably. In fact several people in the audience actually threw pencils towards Cowell and one young man in his early 20s, hollered out, "Hey Simon when is recess?"

Drew was eliminated because no one liked The Viceroy of Venom's premise and she actually said that Simon the jerk caused her to be eliminated.

Young Ryniewicz cried so much that she actually made a big puddle of tears on the stage that caused one of the stagehands and judge Nicole Scherzinger to slip and fall.

Drew's parents ended up borrowing some money from Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest and hiring Los Angeles attorney Gloria Allred who filed a Mishandling of a Talented Performer Lawsuit against Cowell, AKA The Duke of Disdain.

The next week saw the the elimination of the other young singer, Rachel Crow, who was only 13. She was given the song "Who Let The Dogs Out" by the Baha Men but the version she sang was a remix by Neil Young.

When she was eliminated she started yelling out "NO! NO! NO!" and ended up falling down to the floor. Her mother and grandmother rushed up to the stage and helped to pick her up with the help of three audience members.

During a commercial she told the shows host Steve Jones that she hated the song and that it was a song that was more suited to old singers like Bruno Mars, Jason Derulo, or Michael Buble.

SIDENOTE: Simon Cowell says that after the current X-Factor season he will travel to Rome, Italy, with his girlfriend Carmen Electra and together they will discuss the issue of raising the minimum age requirement for females from 13, up to 16, or possibly even 18.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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